KeiraB
Bringing Home Baby and Pelvic Organ Prolapse
Once upon a time I was a very avid runner. I felt strong and healthy. I was very confident in my health. I felt young and unstoppable.
I had a healthy pregnancy and I felt very blessed to give birth to a healthy baby girl at the age of 35. My life was like a dream. I was amazed at my new baby and was excited to bounce back from my pregnancy. Even though my new role as a mother was all encompassing I remember putting a big star in my calendar “six weeks” after my daughters’ birth representing my goal to begin running again as soon as possible.
After six weeks passed I knew something wasn’t quite right. I considered the possibility that something had not healed properly. Was it the stiches? What else other than this could be causing such discomfort?
Months of asking questions led to a diagnosis of a minor form of pelvic organ prolapse called a cystocele. My bladder had herniated. I had never heard of this. At least I wasn’t going crazy. Although it was too minor of a prolapse for surgery I wanted it fixed at this time. I wanted my old body back. It was too uncomfortable to run. I played the waiting game and hoped for the discomfort to go away.
Twenty months later I did feel better. The pinching sensation was less frequent. I was due to have my second daughter. I could never have been prepared for how much worse my prolapse became. After the birth I was very aware of my healing during the traditional six weeks post pregnancy time. I eased my worry about the symptoms I was experiencing by cloaking the physical discomfort of my worsened pelvic organ prolapse within the tenderness mothers feel after the birthing process.
Yet, there was no escaping my deteriorating health. It was now not a surprise to me to learn that I had rectocele which is when the rectum herniates into the vaginal canal and my bladder was lower than before. Weeks had turned into tedious months as I tried to educate myself about pelvic organ prolapse and wait to visit a urogynocologist. It became an ever increasing challenge to step away from my discomfort. It was taking over my life. I reached within myself to smile and play with my baby since holding her, walking, excreting, and almost every movement reminded me of the feeling that I was “shredded” inside, a sensation many women with POP can relate too. I lived in fear that my bladder and rectum would fall down even more. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt too young to have this condition.
I was fighting against the reality of having pelvic organ prolapse. My personal decision to postpone surgery until my babies were older brought me to rock bottom. I had been advised that since I was still lifting my two young children often the surgery could be compromised. The night I realized surgery was not going to save me I slowly began my own healing journey. I cried so hard I barely recognized my own voice. There were identifiable stages of loss. I didn’t know this then but in a moment of acceptance and some help along the way I was beginning to create my magical formula of transformation. It did not happen over night. In fact, it took a long time but change was coming. I surrendered and began asking myself what I really needed on this journey. I committed to myself in a very conscious way. I filled the areas of my life that always called to me but I had put on the backburner. I chose action instead of being stuck. I chose listening to my body. I became an empowered patient who knew how to care for my physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. I am more open to new experiences and I have a passion for life.
I have learned so much about living with a chronic health condition. I have also discovered that pelvic organ prolapse is a women's health issue that needs to be talked about. There are five types of prolapse and typically not in isolation of each other. Due to the intimate nature of the condition many women suffer in silence trying their best to cope with the physical and emotional impacts of this health issue. During my initial stage of living with prolapse I desperately wanted to talk with another woman who lived with the condition. I am passionate to be one of the faces and the voices of women who are navigating through their journey with pelvic organ prolapse so that women who are newly diagnosed can see the path ahead of them with greater ease, empowerment, and support.
It is now almost four years since I was desperate for more information and support. My girls are growing and life is busy! No more running for me but riding a bike for the fist time since I was eight years old. My husband had to hold the seat and run behind me! I am still afraid of being clipped in the clips but I know I can do it! I will never forget this day. My daughters’ cheered me on from the sidewalk, “Go, Mommy!”
If I could go back and talk to myself in the “darkest time” I would say, “Hold on. You are on this journey and you can help yourself get past this and everything will be okay.”
And it is okay. More than okay. It’s great!
